“To be a nun and a lesbian is difficult…..but to be a nun and a lesbian in SHOW BUSINESS!……” I know this quotation from Justin Vivian Bond as Kiki in their variety show Kiki and Herb probably isn’t making you laugh as much as it always makes me, but that’s because you have to hear it spoken out loud. The way they pronounce lezzzz bian with the hard “z” and a full three beats before moving on to the “bian”….so youtube it. It will crack you up as much as me. The tagline for the book I am reviewing today should be, “To be a nun and a lesbian is difficult….but to be a nun and a lesbian in ICELAND!………because that is what this book is about.
This is a funny little book. Don’t get me wrong. There isn’t a shred of humor in this book, not one drop, but it is a funny little book that kept me up until 1:30 am last night reading it which hasn’t happened in over a decade.
It’s because I like the main character, the lesbian nun Johanna, whose narrative voice is the entirety of this book. I like her. I can’t help it. Maybe it’s because life in quarantine is so incredibly slow that I can appreciate her OCD obsession with the rose bushes under her care.
Maybe as I am reading it I’m thinking to myself, hey I could be a nun and if everything in the world is taken away from me I could find happiness in a cloister with some roses and a cute dog named George Harrison. Yeah…that could be ok. I could live with that.
That’s the other thing about this book: there’s a dog named George Harrison and a car named Jesus and she refers to their actions frequently using these names. Ie, Last night on the side of the fjord, Jesus shuddered once and died.
So just for quarantine fun, I’m going to name an object in my house “Lizzo” and you guess what it is. First person who emails me the answer will receive a 3 minute video of me in a nun’s habit twerking to Juice.
Sometimes I tuck my hair behind Lizzo. With her I can find the motivation to do things I hate: like laundry and dishes. The other best thing about Lizzo is when my son is arguing with me for the twentieth day in a row about whether or not he can have a popsicle before breakfast, with Lizzo’s help, I can nod my head like I am listening when I’m not.
Sorry I’m distracting myself from telling you that this is an enjoyable, quiet little romp through clerical sexual abuse scandal. I know that’s a really weird thing for me to say, but ask my dad, who is an Episcopal priest who gave me this book. He’ll tell you that I’m not wrong. I got to tell you right now, this isn’t a searing mystery like the movie Doubt with Philip Seymour Hoffman and Meryl Streep.
It’s quiet and readable. although you will get to a part at the end like I did sitting in the bathtub at 1:05 am in the morning where you will say, “Really, Louisa, really?????You had me read this book during quarantine??????” and you will be pissed at me, but just read the next 20 pages and you will be ok again, I promise you.
and try not to pay too much attention to the mildew in the grout while you are doing it.
For that, during a global pandemic, you totally get a pass.
Inspiration and Information for Immigrant Advocacy 
Am I the first to comment on this book? I loved this book. You’re probably wondering why since I just made a comment that I don’t like first person narrative, but this one I really liked. I liked Johanna for her struggles to do the right thing, but be true to herself. A lot of time, she acts impulsively, then analyzes her own motivation and behavior intellectually. Sort of like a lot of us. With you, Louisa, I could see myself in a cloister with a rose garden & a dog named George Harrison. The tense problems were annoying at times, and I thought this must be the author’s first novel, but I see he has written several, so he must have done this on purpose. Perhaps he is trying to show how the past & present interweave. What he does is reveal the truth of the story like peeling layers from an onion. You knew it wasn’t going to have a happy ending, but it was very satisfying.
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