Lifetime 50 Top Movies

I needed something to calm myself down from the country’s recent traumatic events, and I’m turning 50 this year so I decided to make this list of 50 just for the fun of it and remember some movies I’d long forgotten about and maybe go back and watch some. I’ve broken them into categories with Overall Best Pictures being last. I haven’t ordered them within the categories, but will highlight my favorite flick for each category.

Quirky Flicks

1. Garden State (2004)
2. Zack and Miri Make a Porno (2008)
3. Little Miss Sunshine (2006)
4. Patti Cake$ (2017)
5. Thelma and Louise (1991)

Patti Cake$: I can’t tell you how much I love this movie. I would actually put it as close top for Overall Best Films, but since those are mostly dramas, I decided to give this top billing in Quirky, which it undoubtably is. It stars Danielle MacDonald, who is amazing and is also in Dumplin, a good, cute movie that I would have liked more if I hadn’t seen Patti Cake$ first.

Patti’s mom Barb (Bridget Everet) adds a lot to this movie. (Bridget is a stand up comic who regularly opens for Amy Schumer.) The movie was written and directed by Geremy Jasper (who graduated from Wesleyan Univ where a friend of mine taught…I wonder if he was in her English class) This movie is so deeply about the abuses suffered by fat women, and Geremy refers to it as the most autobiographical piece he could ever write. Which is funny because he is a former rock star that kind of looks like Jon Bon Jovi, but it just goes to show that people are more complex on the inside than I think. I wish I had written this movie.

Kids’ Movies

1. Moana (2017)
2. Brave (2012)
3. Onward (2020)
4. Frozen (2013)
5. Inside Out (2015)

Hate me, but in my opinion, Frozen is one of the best movies ever made.

Here are two of my favorite experiences related to this movie. The first time I ever saw it was outside at Candler Park, and like 25 little girls got up in the night gowns and stood in front of the huge screen and sang “Let it Go” together at that part of the movie. I am not too proud to say I cried. Have you ever really listened to the lyrics of that song? It’s actually quite touching.

And then, one Halloween, my partner and I ran into costumed revelers on a pub crawl and this young woman was dressed as Elsa, but had these dark spots like lesions on her arms and legs. When I asked her what they were she replied, “Frostbite. Actually, the cold did bother me a little bit.” Brilliant!

Arty/Booky Films

1. Wings of Desire (1987)
2. Children of a Lesser God (1986)
3. Heavenly Creatures (1994)
4. A Room with a View (1986)
5. Shadowlands (1993)

Wings of Desire: Let me say right up front that the 1998 film City of Angels that is supposed to be sort of a modernization of this film with Nicholas Cage and Meg Ryan is a totally unsuitable substitution for the first one (even though it does feature the Sara Mclachlan’s song “Angel” which was released the year before and is still good.) The black and white of the original Wim Wenders film is awesome,

How many of us in the 80s tried to impress a first date by reciting the opening lines of the film in German? “Als das Kind Kind war, ging es mit hängenden Armen,” “When the child was a child, it walked with its arms swinging.” Oh? Just me? Ok. That makes sense. Just found out Wenders was inspired to make the film by reading the poetry of Ranier Maria Rilke. Also makes sense. Also don’t forget Peter Falk (Columbo) is in this movie. He is so good. PS… I love the Wenders movie Until the End of the World (1991) almost as much. There is a machine that shows people their dreams, and they get addicted to it. I know I would.

Chick Flicks or Movies I am Embarrassed to Say I Love but I do:

1. Grease 2 (1982)
2. 13 Going on 30 (2004)
3. Never Been Kissed (1999)
4. Clueless (1995)
5. Dirty Dancing (1987)

No contest, Bae. Grease 2. If you argue with me, we probably can’t be friends. It was Michelle Pfeiffer’s first big movie. It is a MUSICAL. She sings a song in it called “Cool Rider”. Enough said.

Maxwell Caulfield both rides a motorcycle and understands Shakespeare (aka, every woman’s dream). I have no idea why he never got another role.

Movies that Will Educate You

1. Temple Grandin (2010)
2. Persepolis (2007)
3. Whale Rider (2002)
4. I am Not Your Negro (2016)
5. One NIght in Miami (2020)

I really like One Night in Miami too, but I am going to pick I Am Not Your Negro, a documentary based on James Baldwin’s unfinished manuscript Remember this House. My partner always says, “No one can say it like James Baldwin,” and you will watch this and know that it is true. And you will hear James Baldwin through the voice of Samuel L. Jackson, the narrator, and he is outstanding as always. It explores the history of racism in the US through Baldwin’s memories of Medgar Evers, Malcolm X and Martin Luther King Jr., and you will see actual historical footage of some stuff said by our presidents and others that will blow your mind. Yes, even yours, you who think your mind can’t be blown because it is locked away under a carapace of cynicism. Yours too. The depths to which the US will go to to uphold white supremacy never seem to reach the end.

Musicals or Based on a Musical

1. Chicago (2002)
2. Oliver! (1968)
3. Hedwig and the Angry Inch (2001)
4. The Bird Cage (1996)
5. The Prom (2020)

Ok, The Prom is really cute and Meryl Streep has never looked more gorgeous, but of course I have to pick Hedwig and the Angry Inch. My partner and I went to go see it on Broadway in NY for our 10th anniversary. It was starring Mr. Neil Patrick Harris so needless to say, although I paid $27 for a half a plastic cup of off brand red wine in the theater, it was truly one of the best nights of my life. Have you seen it? Heard the sound track? Why are you depriving yourself?

It’s just genius. Every word of it.

Movies with a Great Soundtrack

1. Romeo and Juliet (1996)
2. Crooklyn (1994)
3. Almost Famous (2000)
4. Cruel Intentions (1999)
5. E.T (1982)

Crooklyn is my favorite Spike Lee movie. He wrote this semi autobiographical piece with his siblings. The sound track features music from the 60s and 70s and is a character piece about a nine year old girl, Troy (played by Zelda Harris) and her four brothers as they fight, have fun and get into adventures in their Brookyln neighborhood.

Comedies

1. Tommy Boy (1995)
2. Blockers (2018)
3. Trainwreck (2015)
4. Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (1988)
5. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986)

I had never laughed as hard in my life as when the big buck comes in through the windshield of David Spade’s and Chris Farley’s station wagon (in Tommy Boy) until I saw Blockers.

This movie is about three parents who learn that their daughters are trying to get rid of their virginity on prom night and decide to stop them. That sounds really sexist and very surprisingly, it isn’t. It is HILARIOUS. I mean, it is definitely obscene and So funny. A few years ago I had an abscess in my groin area and had to go to the ER for the first time. The doctor walks in, and he looks 25 tops and tells me that due to where it is he can’t anesthetize the area, but they are going to give me a Percoset (which is like a freakin Advil as far as I am concerned, people) and he is going to take a knife and I quote DIRECTLY “stab around in there a little.” The only way I got through that experience was my partner was there and this cute little nurse from Alabama, and I was squeezing the shit out of her hand and we were laughing and retelling every plot point from the movie Blockers. At one point the young doctor was appalled that the nurse was participating with me in the retelling of such obscene scenes and mumbled as such, and I told him he could either give me 5 more Percosets or let us keep talking about this movie. So you see, Blockers is not only a comedy, it’s medicinal. Doogie Howser did a good job, by the way. I hope he had fun at his prom after he stabbed around in my groin area.

Christmas Movies

1. Elf (2003)
2. Bad Moms 2 (2017)
3. Christmas Chronicles (1) (2018)
4. Love Actually (2003)
5. A Christmas Story (1983)

Bad Moms 2 is like Blockers, a comedy that took me totally by surprise, and I almost hurt myself laughing so hard. My partner and I don’t even usually like these kind of movies (I can’t watch Bridesmaids for example. It’s just too much for me), but we had to check this one out because most of it was filmed in a house right around the corner from ours and the culminating scene on Christmas Eve was filmed in the sanctuary of the church I work for so there was no avoiding it. Now it is a holiday tradition of ours.

The movie is about three younger mothers (Mila Kunis, Kristen Bell, and Kathryn Hahn) who are trying to deal with the insane pressures of mothering and the holiday season when their three extremely dysfunctional in different ways mothers (Cheryl Hines, Christine Baranski and Susan Sarandon) decide to come and stay for Christmas. I obviously have a taste for unexpected obscenity with a heart (Blockers, Zack and Miri Make a Porno, and this movie), and it doesn’t disappoint. I think my favorite character is Kathryn Hahn. I love her in the show Transparent where she plays a rabbi, very different from the spa worker she plays in this movie where she meets the love of her life waxing his taint. In case you haven’t heard the term taint before here is the standard definition, “Taint is a term used to refer to the perineum (the region of the human body between the genitalia and the anus). This term has no basis in medical terminology and is most often considered lewd and obscene. Taint is specific to males and females. It’s called a taint because t’aint your balls and t’aint your ass.” And that also pretty much conveys the tone of this hilarious holiday film. Bad Moms 1 is good too, but in my opinion, not nearly as good as Bad Moms 2.

And finally…..drum roll please…..Best Overall Films

1. Crip Camp: A Disability Revolution (2020)
2. The Florida Project (2017)
3. Roma (2018)
4. Moonlight (2016)
5. Beasts of the Southern Wild (2012)

All of these movies are so amazing, and you really need to see Crip Camp, such an important movie so I am going to have to choose two for this category: Moonlight and Beasts of the Southern Wild, officially my two favorite movies of all time.

Both of these movies are similar in that the writing, the acting, the setting and the character development are flawless. I mean, what more can you say, right? You feel more alive and more human from watching these movies, because the writers, directors, producers, actors…everyone who has participated in making these movies has worked to chip away at the dehumanization of our society that eats away at our souls a little bit (or a lot, depending) every day. What more do you want out of a movie and why is this so hard to find? Because, as it turns out, genius in film making is hard to find.

The fact that Janelle Monae is in this movie is enough of a reason to see it, but that you will see yourself in the story of this young gay man who endures abuse as a child in the inner city is the real reason to see it. I often avoid films and books because I think watching their trauma will make me feel worse than before. This movie doesn’t do that. It sets your artistic heart on fire.

See this little girl? That is Quvenzhané Wallis, and she will rip your face off, she is such a mindbendingly good actress. She was the youngest person to ever be nominated for the Academy Award for Best Actress in her role as Hushpuppy in the movie Beasts of the Southern Wild. The movie is about a Louisiana bayou community called “The Bathtub” that is cut off from the rest of the world by a levee. When a huge storm comes and the levee is destroyed, the community must fight for autonomy and survival. Just brilliant. Imaginative, electric and brilliant.

Probably not a lot of movie review blogs segue from Bad Moms 2 into Beasts of the Southern Wild, but if you have read my blog before you probably already know that the obscene and the transcendent are the two seemingly opposing cornerstones on which I stake my identity and enjoyment.

Happy watching!