Pantsuits Can Have Crushes Too

Ok, so I know I haven’t posted a blog since the beginning of September. Like many of you, I experienced my child’s shift to full time synchronous learning along with my partner’s and my full time job as equivalent to being an unwanted mutt tied to and dragged behind a heartless moped as the concrete rips the flesh from my mangy hide.

So not only did I not post anything, I didn’t read a single book for five months, but as of two weeks ago, thanks to the wonders of APS, my child has returned to the school building 4 days a week, and I am beginning to pick up the pieces of my Yorkie behind from the pavement where I left them.

I thought I should start with something light, escapist and familiar so I went for a Louise Penny mystery. I had read one before and not found it to be earth shattering but readable because I have a crush on Armand Gamache, the main character who is an older, stern on the outside but soft on the inside Quebecois detective who loves a delicious croissant and isn’t sexist. I wanted to show you what I imagine him to look like because I very much disagree with who they cast as his character in the movie, but when I google image “silver foxes” these are the only three pictures that come up recurringly for an entire page.

All righty then. While none of these images appropriately capture the essence of Armand Gamache in my opinion, I want you to imagine that hot poetry professor you had in undergrad. You remember? the only one who wasn’t sleeping with his students because he was so ethical and kind, but you managed to make it to his eight o’clock class with a skirt and make up on anyway….. The one who would contemplatively stroke his beard as he read James Joyce in a lulling Scottish brogue that brought you deeper and deeper into a state of entrancement? Yeah, that one.

Hey, I’m not the only one into Armand Gamache apparently. Right underneath the huge letters of the author’s name on the book cover it says, “If you don’t give your heart to Gamache, you may have no heart to give.” Kirkus Reviews (Starred Review)

Apparently, Hillary Clinton feels the same way. Clinton is teaming up with Louise Penny to co-author her first detective novel, set to come out in October called State of Terror about a newly appointed Secretary of State who must deal with a series of terrorist attacks.

Just think of the fan fiction that will result from this collaboration! Not feeling very fan fictiony imaginative at the moment? No problem. Have a taste of this fan fiction bite imagined by USA today journalist Walter Shapiro in his announcement about the upcoming State of Terror novel:

“Well, almost forgotten. When Gamache glanced over to the corner, he knew in an instant that it was really her — a woman he had met once long ago when she was a New York senator and spoke at conference on trans-border policing issues. But this time, Gamache sensed how cruel the passing years had been to her. Not in terms of her surface looks, which were never important to Gamache. But rather in terms of the sadness that reached into her soul, and that only he could detect.”

and Hell Yes! this Bridgerton for the post menopausal is really working for me. I am all for Hillary getting her damn due. There is no woman that has been more maligned or mistreated in current American politics except for maybe Monica. So I am all for Hillary getting her some sensitive Quebecois tantra, but you know…what about me? Where am I in this fantasy?

Thanks to my new addiction, the app called Reface (OMG try it right now) that puts your face inside the faces of stars both in still pics and videos (for some reason I look the worst as Kevin Spacey and the best as Leonardo DiCaprio, I have no idea why) I can partake in this fantasy in this sultry cherry red pantsuit. “Armand….
Où étais-tu, durant toute ma vie?” (This is what google translate gave me for French for “Where have you been all my life?”)

I also notice that I have written no book review in this book review. You caught on too, huh? Well, here’s what I have to say about The Cruelest Month. Generally there is nothing that I love more than a sexy sensitive post middle age detective AND ghosts that kill, but in this case….”Meh”. I found the ending silly and sexist and lackluster. So for now, I may be done with Louise Penny, but Hillary and Armand, Me and my pantsuit will be waiting for you in fan fiction land, darlings. Don’t keep me waiting. Au Revoir